IT’S risqué, and I hope you’ll excuse my French, but there’s a funny, probably apocryphal story about what Mme de Gaulle is alleged to have said when asked by a US diplomat’s wife (or a British prime minister’s wife or the Queen depending on the version) what she was most looking forward to now her husband, France’s President, was retiring from public life.

And, legend has it, there was an embarrassed silence when she answered in her strong French accent, “’Appiness”.

Which was only broken when people realised she was not referring to a male appendage.

David Cameron should feel similarly embarrassed about his ludicrous £2m-a-year nationwide inquiry into happiness. The initial findings show the top five valued subjects are health, family and relationships, work, the environment and education. Quelle surprise.

The real “surprises”, it was reported, was that religion was important to people and that many cared about access to green space.

Surprises? I may be wrong to gripe about dosh spent trying to make life better but, to me, they are about as surprising as people leaving the dentist’s chair smiling after being told nothing needs to be done.

A more interesting question would be: Can you have too much happiness?

Yes. You could find yourself turning into Donny Osmond or Dale Winton.

BOB Roberts, an 88-year-old Canadian D-Day veteran who has lived in Bournemouth for 63 years, went abroad to visit the site where he was wounded... and found himself facing costly, red-tape immigration hassle when re-entering Britain coming home.

That is disgraceful. When it comes to saying thanks to those who risked their lives for this country, I sometimes wonder if the state we live in shouldn’t change its name to Denial.