IT’S time I came clean. For the past three months, I have been having a love affair.

Not with another woman, but with a programme. I have been seduced by The Apprentice (Sunday, BBC1).

And on Sunday, the teasing and the tempting finally came to an end. It was the grand final. Two hours of sheer pleasure.

Lining up in the final four were Helen “I’m in control” Milligan – the hot favourite; Susan “Are the French very fond of their children?” Ma; Tom “I’ll get my coat” Pellereau and “Jedi” Jim Eastwood.

Jim provided the final’s golden moments.

Last year Stuart Baggs, aka The Brand, came up with: “I’m not a one-trick pony, I’m not a 10-trick pony, I am a whole field of ponies.” What a load of baloney pony.

But Jim followed The Brand strand and took the equine analogy to a new level by writing in his business plan: “I’m not a show pony or a one-trick pony or a wild stallion that needs to be tamed or even a stubborn mule. I believe I can become the champion thoroughbred that this process requires.”

To which the evergreen business expert Margaret Mountford said: “What impression does that give me of you..that you’re a bit of an ass?”

She also asked the clichemeister to describe himself without clichés.

Jim responded with: “About me, I am exactly what it says on the tin.” Priceless.

Aah! Jim. The man who can give you 1,000 words when you only needed one.

With Susan getting rather carried away with how much profit her cosmetics company would make in its first year, it was left to Helen and Tom to see who would be this year’s winner.

In one corner we had Helen – conscientious, organised and poised – a winner in no less than 10 rounds – a record.

In the other corner we had Tom – likeable, nice guy, full of ideas – but a failure in eight of the 11 tasks. Surely no competition here.

But this year the prize was different. And Helen’s awful business plan meant unfancied Tom took home the bacon, even though he forgot to mention in his plan that his chair to ease back pain, was in fact, a chair.

Tom the geek. The man who kept nodding, putting up his hand like a schoolboy and knew what had gone wrong in each task when he was in the boardroom, leading him to be dubbed “Mr Hindsight.”

Only in The Apprentice could he become a winner. But that’s the great beauty of the show.

It’s a bit like Rochdale beating Man Utd on penalties in a cup final. Expect the unexpected.

There was tension, great drama, punctuated by some excellent editing. This programme has the lot.

So my summer fling is over. The Apprentice – if you shape up as nicely next year, I will be watching devotedly. Missing you already.

Also a sad farewell to the latest series of Family Guy (Sunday, BBC3).

At a time when Auntie appears to reject home-grown politically-incorrect humour, it doesn’t seem to have a problem importing it.

The edgy animation ended its current season with its now traditional homage to Star Wars. This time round it was a spoof on Return of the Jedi, entitled It’s a Trap.

Not its best, it has to be said.

At its peak, Family Guy merges all forms of humour with hilarious results. But its constant pushing of boundaries means it will always be a hit and miss affair.

At least it tries to be different and for that it gets a death star. (Sorry, that should read GOLD star!)