My boys are often convinced that their parents are cruel. I have only recently yelled, made them clean their room, and even meanly washed their smelly hair, and I can just imagine them pronouncing sagely during an inquest that “I could have had an asthma attack in that shower” if it suited them.

While I understand the need for government intervention in cases of suspected child cruelty and I feel that any suspected incident should be checked out, I worry that parents may not know where to begin with discipline if they worry about getting into trouble with the authorities. The threat of losing one’s children is a horrible thought, but erring on the side of caution may not be best for our families. When I had my first baby I was completely clueless (never having raised a child before) and soon had two more babies. They filled my life with wonder, deep love and an obsession with sleep, and I wanted to be the best Mama in the whole world for them. I had friends who felt the same, and we pored over baby manuals for tips on raising the smartest, most emotionally stable, happiest kids around. We began our journeys towards Perfect Motherhood with a zest and zealour which made all our mothers roll their eyes.

We soon felt completely at sea, and finally resorted to sighing “We turned out okay, didn‘t we? Kids are so resilient” as we watched the toddlers climbing the indoor plants and breastfed our babies for the wrong length of time on the wrong boob while drinking forbidden caffeinated drinks. Somehow, our kids have all turned out okay so far. They’re bright, reasonably well-behaved and very happy. I think that mine are the best children in the world, though I may be tempted to add a few nephews and nieces to the list.

My first son was a non-sleeper (still is). One of his school teachers once informed me, “he’s the most high-energy child I have ever seen, but not ADD…” and I nodded, remembering those nap-less days, early mornings and sociable nights (I could never do the cry-it-out thing, preferring to do without sleep for several years). Picture a one-year-old who doesn’t need to nap and has an insatiable desire to discover, climb, dismantle, sing, taste, feel. The kid could whip those child-proofing doodads off in record time, and could focus on the job at hand through any distraction tactics. My parenting style devolved from removing him from the electrical socket, removing him from the electrical socket, removing him from the electrical socket, to the Sudden-Sharp-Slap Method. Yes, I slapped him. Would it have been kinder to have him shock himself AGAIN, fascinated as he was with electrocution? It worked. He was devastated, but didn’t go near a socket again.

Of course, now that I am an older and more experienced parent, I have other tricks up my sleeve. My youngest son has not been slapped at all, that I remember (I just asked him, and he said he can’t remember either. He’s probably blocked out the trauma, poor lamb) but this lack of spanking is not a result of my being threatened with losing my children to the social services. It is because I have tried many discipline techniques and now know what works for me and for my kids, and hitting and yelling just aren’t great as discipline goes. The kids seem to learn better when they are giggling, like to help with the cleaning if they can pretend to be something eeeeevil (“DIE, germs, DIIIIIEE!”), and need snuggles and a bedtime story to help us all end our day peacefully.

I have read the books, searched the net, and had many a chat with friends who are learning to parent on-the-job just as I am. How many of us have had bad days and parenting bloopers that we cringe to remember? We can at least comfort ourselves that it’s a rough world out there, filled with rough people, and perhaps we are giving our kids some preparation for the outside world where one’s peers and those in authority are not necessarily all reasonable, calm and kind. And we can keep trying, and hope that we never cross the invisible line between “Okay Parent” and “Cruel Abuser”.

So what is the best discipline technique, anyway? I don't have the answers... just plenty of questions!