Friday July 17, 2009: Leah had her leavers party at nursery today, even though she’ll be there through the summer it is officially the end of term and some of her friends finish now.

I just can’t believe my baby is so grown up. She came home with a big folder full of pictures and paintings (great!) and also her little reports and comments from staff. She is such a bright little girl and clearly very well thought of. I feel so proud.

Megan’s not well, high temperature, no appetite and just generally off-colour and grumpy.

I’m not panicking but you can’t help but have the odd thought of swine flu.

I get really cross when the whole country throws itself into dire panic over something like this but on the other hand I do need to be extra careful.

Although I’m not having chemo anymore my immune system still isn’t what it was.

Maybe I’ll give NHS Direct a ring in the morning if she’s no better.

Thinking about dying is so weird.

I have said recently that I feel it would be better for me to have a short illness and for it to be over quickly – however the thought of contracting swine flu terrified me because I’m not ready to go yet.