Tuesday July 14, 2009:

I’m going to be in the Echo again tomorrow – just to boost the profile of the journal and the fund-raiser.

So many people have been so encouraging about it.

300 people have joined my Facebook group now so if all those people donated £2 we would have £600 by now and we only have £400 – obviously £400 is great but it could be so much better.

Paula asked me if I felt any different writing my diary now. I try not to let it make me write differently but it does feel a bit weird knowing that my friends and people I know are reading my innermost thoughts.

I have done the girls’ ‘Mummy books’ up to now – finished Meg’s today. There is still room for more so I’ll just add to it as we do things.

I’m very pleased with them, they have given me a lot of pleasure to do, it has been good to think back over my life in a simplistic way and I hope it is something the girls will treasure forever - their part of me for when I am not really with them anymore.

Now I have finished them I can get on with my old scrapbooks and finish them – another something to leave behind.

It’s so weird how I keep forgetting things. I used to be so organised and now I can’t seem to manage anything.

Mum and I argued today over whether I had told her something. I’m sure I did, she’s sure I didn’t. A year ago I would have ‘known’ I was right, now I just feel confused and unsure.

I’m sure it’s all the painkillers that have addled my mind. That and the shock I guess I’m still in.

After Thursday’s meeting I was going to talk to my Macmillan nurse about reducing my pain relief because if there’s not enough cancer in my body to be causing me tiredness at the moment then I probably shouldn’t be in any pain either?

Trouble is my shoulder is really niggly at the moment so maybe I’ll just tell her the situation and go from there.