GOODNESS me, the Secret of Moonacre may well be the enormous load of cakes that Tim Curry has eaten for his role.

It isn’t, but by heavens Tim has piled it on here.

However, what the secret is, is a rather generic fantasy tale with some horrible CGI animals thrown in.

A tale of two ancient families ripped asunder by beads (!), a little girl may prove to be their saviour. Well she’d better be, or the world’s going to end.

Rather tough for the rest of us who aren’t involved in the quarrel, but there you are.

It all plods along lines so generic that a lion and unicorn are thrown in for good measure.

And it ends happily ever after, as every good fairy-tale should.