NEVER mind Luis Suarez, I think I’m the one who will be needing an anger management course if I have to hear one more iota of guff about this odious man and the storm of nonsense that’s swirling around him.

If he had four legs instead of two, the Liverpool player would probably have been shot by a police marksman by now.

And if he’d bitten a man on the street, as opposed to Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic, he’d probably be facing a charge of assault.

But he didn’t. Suarez did it on a football pitch and so all he got was a wrist-slapping fine and a 10-match ban.

Great. Only in the warped world of the Sweet FA is NOT going to work considered a punishment for anyone.

And in the meantime all we’ve heard is the usual excuses which are trotted out whenever a player cheats, attacks another, indulges in alleged racism or, in Suarez’s case, all three. He needs ‘anger management training’; he needs to deal with his ‘inner chimp’, he’s the victim of unfair treatment, yadda, yadda yadda.

His tweeted ‘apology’ just about summed it up. Suarez said he was sorry for ‘inconveniencing’ fans.

Not sorry for behaving like a lobotomized baboon and setting an abominable example to all the poor kids for whom he is held up as some kind of hero.

And I suspect that not only is he not really sorry, he’s doesn’t really understand what all the fuss is about and why should he, when his boss, Brendan Rogers, whines that he’s been ‘thrown to the garbage’ instead of tearing him off a strip.

How ironic, then, that all this occurred in a week when a government minister decided to moan about the behaviour of little children in nurseries.

According to the education department’s Elizabeth Truss, she has seen ‘too many chaotic settings where children are running around.’ Apparently children should be taking part in structured play which teaches them to be polite and considerate through activities lead by a teacher.

Even if, it would appear, they are as young as two.

I’ve got a much better idea. Why doesn’t Mrs Truss and her boss, David Cameron, do something concrete to tackle bad behaviour at the other end of the scale?

Because what’s the use of training up loads of beautifully-behaved children just so we can show them when they’re older that if they are rich and kick a ball for a living, they can more or less do what they damn well please and everyone will still venerate them?

What’s the use of telling kids that hard work brings its own rewards when we now know, thanks to the banking crisis, that you can mess up on a global scale, liquidate billions, put millions out of work but STILL receive a giant bonus at the end of it?

How can we tell children to be good citizens and pay their tax when household name companies are sheltering squillions abroad with the blessing of HM Revenue and Customs?

The truth is we can’t and it’s about time we admitted it and stopped being so hypocritical.

It’s easy to criticise tiny tots for making a noise. But how much more helpful it would be to tackle the bad behaviour that has become endemic in the adult world.