RIGHT, you, at the back, no tittering. It's just a young girl holding a sausage, all right? It may look a bit of an odd photo today but they were more innocent times. That's all.

And, even though the Dick Emery Show and the Benny Hill Show were in their heyday on telly, I am sure the Echo photographer who took the picture in 1972 did not imagine for one moment that there was anything at all suggestive in his study of Janiece Gray and an English sausage similar to the one sent by a boyfriend's parents in Bangkok that had been arrested by customs.

OK. That's it. This isn't Please Sir! On London Weekend Television. I've had enough of the innuendo, Duffy and Sharon. From now on we'll just stick to the report as it was published in the Echo with the picture in 1972: Secretary Janiece Gray, 19, had a problem today - finding a substitute for an arrested sausage.

It won't be easy, for the arrested sausage was a very special one all the way from Bangkok.

The sausage had been sent to Thai student Charindr Matchimasakul of Wimborne Road, Bournemouth, by his parents but when the food parcel arrived it contained a cuttlefish and no sausage.

Later that day Charindra's girl Janiece, of Brixey Close, Parkstone, had a letter from the Commissioners of Customs and Excise saying that the sausage had been "arrested" on the grounds that it had been "landed in the UK" in contravention of the prohibition imposed by the Importation of the Carcasses and Animal Produce Order. "Charindr was quite cut up about it. It's a special type of pork sausage. It seems they keep for some time before they eat them," said Janiece.

"They say that we could claim the sausage back but that's a joke because in the letter they say it has been destroyed."

In the letter the Customs and Excise said that if Charindra and Janiece claimed that the sausage was not liable to forfeiture under the Act they had to give notice within a month.

But, being in the opinion of the Commissioners a thing of perishable nature, it had already been destroyed.

"Charindra had been really looking forward to that sausage," added Janiece.

"He asked his parents to send it a month ago. Since then he's been out to meet the postman every day. I'm just wondering what I can buy to make up for the disappointment.

"There's no point in making a protest. My guess is the Customs men have eaten it."

That's it 5C. History lesson is over. And, no Maureen, I'm sure Janiece will not mind. After all, she was a good sport back in 1972 I can't believe she will have changed and lost a sense of humour now that she's over well, let's just say she must be in the prime of life.

And all of you smutty lot who smirked, stay behind after class.

It's not just sausages that can be given detention.