WHEN you hear the word ‘apple’ you start thinking of things healthy. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, as they used to say. Until you realise they are talking about your body shape.

I am a bit of an ‘apple’ a wide boy, not over-skilled when it comes to middle management.

Today, for example, a bag of doughnuts is lurking not 10ft from where I am sitting and, despite thinking of myself as a man of some dietary fibre, I have been drawn to walk past it about eight times already with my hands longing to grab one. And eventually I did.

But yesterday we ‘apples’ were given some tasty-sounding news. Having been warned for years that fat concentrated on the waist increases your chances of heart attacks and strokes more than general obesity, researchers, who have studied 220,000 adults, now argue that a roll of lard around the middle isn’t exceptionally bad.

My initial gut-feeling was that this was encouraging news for those of us of the belly-flop brigade. But is it? A glance in the mirror will confirm that the researchers’ announcement has not meant that my fat has magically disappeared.

And, whether or not fellow strugglers, shaped like pears or sausage rolls or whatever, face the same risks to the heart as we ‘apples’, the fact remains that I am still overweight.

And, to reduce the risk of a heart attack or a stroke, in the words of Newton-John and Travolta, “You’d better shape up”.

Clearly Mr Ed Porkins still needs to step up the exercise. So what’s best? Swimming? The gym? Or just going for a brisk walk?

I am often advised to go for a long walk.

Usually by people I annoy.