BEFORE we start, would you mind answering a few questions to help improve this column? It should take about a minute.

Have you ever read this column before? On a scale of 0 to 5, how satisfied are you with your experience of reading this column? Can you tell us why you feel that way?

How likely would you be to recommend this column to a friend? How fed up are you with being asked questions like this, where 0 is not at all fed up and 5 is really peeved? How likely are you to put this survey to one side half-finished, then come across it in three weeks’ time and throw it away?

Speaking personally, when confronted with surveys like this, I used to be “4” (quite happy to answer the questions). Then I became “3” (neither happy nor unhappy to answer questions). Now I’m “1” (getting quite irritated by being asked questions like this, actually).

I know that, whether you’re running a business or a public body, one of the most valuable things you can own is information about the people who use your services. But if we’re not careful, none of us are ever going to be able to go anywhere or do anything without being handed a survey about it.

You can see the phenomenon all over the internet, where plenty of websites ask you to put aside whatever you were about to do and answer some survey questions instead.

The public sector has got into this kind of thing quite keenly, on the internet and in person.

For example, I recently had to phone my local authority about a rubbish collection problem. Within a couple of days, our household had a phone call – from someone asking whether we were happy with the way our initial call was dealt with. Was the person who answered our enquiry friendly and polite? Did we feel our complaint was valued? Were we told what the next steps would be?

And there wasn’t much I could say except: “Let’s see if they empty the bins first and then I’ll tell you whether I’m satisfied.”

All this customer satisfaction stuff is fine up to a point. But isn’t there a danger that the culture of public relations, brand management and consumer research might intrude into areas where it’s not all that helpful?

It’s reflected in the obsession among public bodies with putting mottoes on their vehicles, whether it’s police cars, ambulances or dustcarts: “Taking pride in Nether Wallop”, “Working together for a safer Chipping Sodbury” and all that sort of thing. I made those up, of course, but there are people who get paid for thinking up similar ones.

I think most people know what ambulances and dustcarts are there for, without the help of such slogans. If people really think their purpose needs some explanation, maybe they should choose really simple ones, like: “The police force – catching villains.” Or “Ambulances – taking people to hospital quite fast.”

If we don’t get a grip on this sort of thing, there will come a time when you call 999 and within moments, an emergency vehicle arrives, emblazoned with the words “Working in partnership for a better quality of life in Sutton Scotney”, and delivers you a customer satisfaction questionnaire.