IT’S all Robbie Williams’s fault really. If the wide-eyed ex-Take Thatter hadn’t released Swing While You’re Winning to massive acclaim just before the first Pop Idol, we might never have had Big Band Week.

Whether that’s a good or bad thing, you’ll have to make your own mind up, though I doubt the mixed bag of Saturday performances would have swayed you one way or the other.

Certainly it left the voting public at large pretty confused.

Miss Frank in the bottom two? After turning in their first better-than-average performance of the series? Surely not?

And if that was a surprise, then what about Danyl, eh? Surely he put on the best show of the night?

We should be shocked, but maybe those tabloid stories have done more damage than they should, and everyone’s convinced he’s an arrogant prat based on a rumour that an entertainment reporter heard off someone who knows someone who heard it from his mum’s best friend. Or something.

Then again, X Factor audiences have long preferred amiable mediocrity to swaggering talent.

How else would you explain Leon Jackson? Or that Shayne bloke who won the second series and whom I’ve completely forgotten? Or, dare I say it, Alexandra Burke? (ducks for cover) And there was mediocrity by the bucketload this week, and a good many sighs of relief backstage on Sunday, I’ll warrant.

My original tip for the title, Jamie Archer, stumbled through a rendition of Angel of Harlem that had more pitch problems than Portsmouth FC.

I hate to agree with Louis, the man who thinks John and Edward are “great fun”, but c’mon, U2 are not big band. I don’t care what Bono says, there’s only four of them.

As for the Bill-and-Ted wannabes themselves, their big band credentials were less Frank Sinatra and more Frank Spencer, prancing their way through Ricky Martin’s She Bangs (and what does that title mean, eh?).

Okay, that’s not exactly Big Band either, but then the Irish twins aren’t exactly singers, their performances coming across as a surreal, sometimes hilarious interlude from the rest of the show.

Teeny Welshman “Harold” Lloyd is fast challenging last year’s Eoghan as a singing haircut, and not a very good one at that.

Still, I suspect the votes of my stepdaughter and her friends – who were too busy swooning to appreciate the full horror of the first half of his song – will keep him going for a while yet.

And what on earth is Danni doing to poor old Stacey?

A good singer on stage, a genius comedy character off it, and yet she has a different image every week and was lumbered with Jiminy Cricket’s theme song.

There were some decent acts, though. Geordie boy Joe has impressed me so far, and while he wasn’t at his best he, like Danyl and the ever-likeable Olly, had the necessary swagger to carry off the big band theme.

Rachel discovered that all she really needed to avoid the sing-off was a change of haircut and a decent song, but hopefully they won’t let her have so much coffee before the show next week as that over-the-top reaction was just cringeworthy.

Danyl aside, another spelling-challenged contestant, Lucie (ah, that’s what happened – he’s swapped his “ie” for her “y”) was the best act, growing visibly more confident each week.

Personally, I’d have voted off “cover bland” extraordinaire Westlife, but since that wasn’t an option, how about John vs Edward in the bottom two next week? Please?

It’s not even funny any more – they look like they really want to be good. At least with Chico you got the feeling he was in on the joke.

And besides, there’s something wrong when two teenage boys don’t even give those scantily-clad dancers a glance. Now that’s trying too hard, lads.