WHEN you've hit rock bottom and the last glimmer of hope has disappeared, the only way is up, isn't it?

Apparently not, as Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer demonstrate so emphatically with their latest scattershot spoof, boasting a snappy title that sums up both the film's thematic targets and its pitiful quality.

Difficult as it is to conceive, Disaster Movie is even more disjointed, unimaginative and interminably dull than the writer-directors' previous efforts: the unholy trinity of Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet The Spartans.

This pot pourri of dross includes lacklustre dance numbers in a High School Musical style, running gags that are limp from the initial set up and a sabre-toothed Amy Winehouse (Nicole Parker) warning one hapless co-star, "You don't want to mess with a bitch straight outta rehab!"

Questionable look-alikes of Justin Timberlake, Flavor Flav and Dr Phil pass by without fanfare while the plot hobbles from Cloverfield to Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull via Night At The Museum, Hancock and Sex And The City.

Will (Matt Lanter) breaks-up with his girlfriend Amy (Vanessa Minnillo) shortly before an asteroid shower decimates the city, sending terrified residents onto the streets to escape from the blitzkrieg.

Hannah Montana (Crista Flanagan) is crushed by one giant polystyrene rock, though sadly the rest of the characters escape unscathed.

Determined to get to the museum where Amy works to check that she is safe and well (before the exhibits come to life), Will teams up with wise-cracking friend Calvin (Gary G Thang' Johnson), sardonic teen Juno (Flanagan again) and an Enchanted Princess (Parker again) to save the day.

Friedberg and Seltzer throw as many tired ideas as they can at the screen and hope something sticks, aside from popcorn and hot dogs in audiences' throats, as people realize they have wasted good money on this rubbish.

  • See it at Empire, ABC