COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

MY FIANCE’S EX IS PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY

I have known my fiance for only four months. We fell in love almost at once and within a few weeks, had starting talking about marriage and a life together. When he proposed, I was over the moon and could not remember ever feeling that happy.

The happiness was not to last though, because last week he received a call from an ex-girlfriend telling him that she is pregnant. He had been seeing this woman only weeks before he met me. My fiance says they only went out a few times, that it was nothing serious and she means nothing to him. Apparently, she wants nothing from him either, but felt that as the baby’s father he should know.

She also said she hadn’t planned on telling him until a friend pointed out that he had a right to know. Despite what she says, I am sure she will change her tune when the baby is born, and she will expect my fiance to help pay for the child. He thinks the same way and has suggested we move away so she can’t find us.

He is worried about it though, but I’m just angry and blame this woman for spoiling the happiness we should be feeling about our engagement. Why would she do this?

FIONA SAYS: HE HAS A RESPONSIBILITY TO THIS CHILD

What do you mean, ‘Why would she do this?’ She’s done it because your fiance is every bit as responsible for this child as she is. She probably had no idea that he was already engaged to someone else so soon after getting her pregnant. So, save your anger and resentment, because she certainly doesn’t deserve it.

You are NOT the victim - this child is. If the child is his, your fiance ought to accept that he has some responsibility. The right thing to do would be to offer help, and if that means providing financial support, so be it. The fact he isn’t should be giving you second thoughts about what exactly you are getting into by potentially marrying him.

You need to have a clear-headed look at this budding romance of yours and be certain that it really is what you want. His behaviour would certainly sound warning bells to me!

Bournemouth Echo:

WHAT DO I SAY TO GRIEVING NEIGHBOUR?

I live next door to a lady whose husband has just died. They were never close friends, but they have been good neighbours and were helpful when I first moved into my flat.

I want to be able to say how sorry I am and offer help, but really have no idea how to do this. Knocking on the door seems like an intrusion and an email just seems too trivial and impersonal. What do you say when someone dies?

FIONA SAYS: HOW ABOUT A NOTE OR CARD

Just say how sorry you are and offer to help. If you can’t do this face-to-face, pop a note or a card through her door.

I am sure most bereaved people welcome messages of condolence and offers of help.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.