AGONY ADVICE: Help! I fancy my sister's boyfriend

I FANCY MY SISTER’S BOYFRIEND

My sister is going out with a guy we’ve both known since school. I have always fancied him, and my sister knew this when she started seeing him. I was going out with my current boyfriend, so wasn’t able to catch him for myself.

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I am not happy with my boyfriend. All we seem to do is go through the motions of going out with each other, but there’s no real spark. Not like I have for my sister’s boyfriend, who I can’t stop thinking about.

My relationship is going nowhere, and it’s clear that not all is well with their relationship either. They don’t have a lot in common and seem to disagree about everything. They have regular arguments, some of which have been very volatile, and sometimes it seems she actually goads him just to start an argument. Then, if I take his side, she gets jealous and quickly makes up to him, but not before she’s had a real go at me.

Should I tell him how I feel?

FIONA SAYS: FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP FIRST

Rather than wreck their relationship and upset your sister, perhaps you should instead concentrate on sorting out your own unhappy situation.What is keeping you together?

If it’s just habit, then it’s unfair on him, so better to end it now and leave you both free to look for love elsewhere.

Which doesn’t mean immediately going after your sister’s boyfriend!

Can you be certain they are unhappy? Some couples thrive on the differences between them. Given this, it would be dangerous to assume they are miserable and about to break up.

For the moment, I suggest you say and do nothing. If your sister knows how you feel, it’s possible that some sort of sisterly rivalry is making her hang onto this guy.

Just step back and see what happens.

WHY HAS HE GHOSTED ME?

I’ve been seeing a man for much of this year, and we have been spending a lot of time together. That is, until he suddenly cut off all contact with me.

I have tried to phone or video call him, but he just doesn’t answer or hangs up when he sees it’s me. He has also stopped answering my emails and texts, but I will keep on trying until I hear from him.

I know he’s not dead or anything as I saw him drive past me yesterday. It’s not like we are teenagers, we have both been divorced before and are in our 40s. Why has he cut me off like this?

FIONA SAYS: IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON

I wonder how well you really knew this man. For example, are you certain he was divorced? Is it possible he is in fact married and has been found out?

Alternatively, there are some people who cannot cope with the idea of commitment - and if your relationship was getting serious, this may have scared him away. Whatever the reason, I see little point in chasing him any further.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.