COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

CAN’T GET OVER MY HUSBAND LEAVING ME FOR ANOTHER WOMAN

My husband and I were married for 15 years. I thought we were happy, so when he walked out on me it was a real shock, and when he said he’d been having an affair, I was devastated. The woman was someone I had thought was my friend. I was so hurt but was in too much of a state to do anything about it.

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After he had been gone for about six months, I felt I needed to understand what had happened and why he left. I went to his house to talk so he could help me understand where our marriage had gone wrong. Instead, he stood on the doorstep and yelled at me.

He said I was harassing him, we’d never had a thing in common and he couldn’t understand why he’d stayed with me for so long. That was three months ago. I was utterly devastated and haven’t stopped crying since.

I don’t seem to be able to cope without him, but I know I’m going to have to. I feel lost and alone, even though my friends have tried to help.

FIONA SAYS: YOU’VE DONE SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU THINK

You say you can’t cope - but you have coped. You are still here, still coping and still able to write a good email. Take pride in that, because it is an excellent start to rebuilding your self-esteem.

His behaviour is despicable. He is the one who had an affair behind your back with a friend - a double deception and she has let you down as well. He is the one who walked out and he is the one that cannot even hold a polite conversation on his doorstep.

You might well be traumatised by what has happened and that’s something your doctor might be able to help you with.

Bournemouth Echo:

I DON’T WANT TO MOVE TO DUBAI FOR HUSBAND’S JOB

My husband’s company has offered him the chance to go and work in Dubai for three years. There’s a real increase in salary, with accommodation and other perks.

Half of me is thrilled by the idea, but the other half is petrified. I will miss all my friends and family - I don’t speak the language there and I won’t know anyone.

I know he would be so disappointed if we don’t go and it would probably hold back his career too, but I can’t bring myself to agree.

THIS COULD BE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

Before you decide, why not think about what you could be missing? The chance to experience a different way of life with a new community of people. Dubai has a big ex-pat community and I’m sure you’d soon make friends. It would be a great opportunity for you to live a different life that, if you don’t go, you might regret yourself in the future too.

Your friends might want to come and visit you and you could return to visit them.

Could you perhaps give it a try and, if it doesn’t work, come back yourself, leaving him out there?

  • If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice.