AGONY ADVICE: How do I end it with my boyfriend?

HOW CAN I END MY RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT UPSETTING EVERYONE?

Three years ago, I started going out with my boyfriend. His family and my family knew each other before and they’ve become really close. They’re all really keen that we make a go of it and get married.

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My boyfriend keeps talking about the future we will have together, and whilst I am fond of him, I don’t love him any more - I am not certain I ever did. It was all just so nice and friendly that I went along with it. I am miserable so often these days that people are starting to comment, but I don’t know what to do to end it without upsetting everyone.

FIONA SAYS: YOU BOTH DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

When everyone expects so much of you, it is going to be hard to upset them - but breaking up IS hard. The only consolation you can have is in knowing how much worse it would be if you slipped into a loveless marriage and broke up after that. In the long run, you will be hurting everyone a great deal more - yourself included - if you delay the break-up.

MY IN-LAWS ARE HOARDERS AND NEED A GOOD CLEAR-OUT

My parents-in-law are lovely people and I get on so well with them. They live in a small cottage in the countryside and I love to go and see them. But the problem is, they never throw anything away.

They have a garage filled to the brim with nick-nacks they think will come in handy one day. That day has never arrived - but unfortunately another kind of day has. My father-in-law was recently taken ill with a heart condition, and they now need to clear some space for medical equipment in their home.

My mother-in-law doesn’t know where to begin, and neither do I.

I’m afraid of offending her but it just has to be done. So how can we start, and how can we make this manageable for my mother-in-law and me?

FIONA SAYS: ONE STEP AT A TIME

Unfortunately, people who are hoarders often find it very hard to break the habit. The idea that something will be useful ‘one day’ is like an obsession that’s hard to break. You don’t say how old your in-laws are but I’m guessing they’re getting on in years, so you could appeal to your mother-in-law on the basis that she needs to start now, otherwise it will all get too much for her.

Kate Ibbotson, founder of ‘A Tidy Mind’, is a professional de-clutterer and life coach. She believes that if we have too much ‘stuff’ and live in disorder, we lose track of what is and isn’t important. It sounds very much as if your in-laws, and in particular your mother-in-law, has lost track of what is important here - and that is getting her husband home with the equipment he needs.

Ibbotson advises not trying to declutter the whole house all at once, but to pick an area to start and do it in small chunks. Helping your mother-in-law get just one drawer or one cupboard clear might motivate her to do more on her own.

Email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice.