AGONY ADVICE: Readers dilemmas answered by our counsellor

SHOULD I DUMP HIM BEFORE I GET HURT?

Since I was 16, I have had just four serious boyfriends. I am 29 now and although the man I am going out with is very different to the others, I am afraid it is just a matter of time before he lets me down too.

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I have come to the conclusion that I am just unlucky, and I think I should finish with him now so that I don’t get hurt again. He seems such a gentle, caring person though, that I wonder if I would be doing the right thing.

FIONA SAYS: WHY?

You are not giving yourself or this ‘gentle and caring’ man a chance! People get back from life what they put into it, and if you go into a relationship with someone with the belief that you can’t trust them or they’ll only let you down, they’ll probably start wondering, ‘Why bother?’

Start to think more positively about yourself and about your partner - and your role in the partnership - and you might make this relationship work.

While there’s a chance for the joy of a trusting, loving and caring relationship, why not risk it?

LIFE IS PASSING ME BY

Last year was dreadful for me and, so far, this year isn’t looking any better.

Aside from all the effects of Covid, which left me feeling very down, things were made much worse when my dad caught it and died. The fact we couldn’t even see him at the end, and then his funeral was limited, made it harder still to bear.

Then I had to have a hysterectomy - which took me some time to recover from - and in the middle of all this, my kids decided it was time for them to leave home. I wasn’t expecting to feel so lost without them, and it coincided with my hitting 50, which really brought it home to me how life is passing me by.

It would be a great opportunity for my husband and I to get out and about and do more with our lives as a couple, but my husband seems utterly content to do nothing. I used to dream about learning to sail, writing a book, travelling - now I can see nothing in the future but a dull life and boredom.

FIONA SAYS: YOU’RE RIGHT - THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY!

You’ve had a huge amount to put up with over the last few years, and a great many people are experiencing depression when it’s not something they’ve felt before. Coping with a pandemic, losing your father, major surgery, a shake-up of your home life and a significant birthday are all life-changing events. Most people only have to deal with one or two of them at a time - not the whole list!

If you want to learn to sail, find out where you can go for lessons. If you want to write, take a creative writing course. If you want to travel, learn a language, and start saving for a trip.

You say your husband is content to do nothing, but if he sees you fired up and making changes to your life, it might re-energise him too.

Email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice.