COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

I’M MARRIED TO A MAN BUT COULD I BE A LESBIAN?

Although I have a happy marriage, I find I am thinking more and more about a woman I know. We met at a gym class and she is bright, funny and exciting to be around. Whenever I think about her, I get more excited than I have about my husband for ages.

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It is now getting to the point that I am wondering if I am really a lesbian.

inIs it possible to change your sexuality after being happily married to a man for nearly 20 years?

FIONA SAYS: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Yes, it is perfectly possible to change one’s sexual inclination, or to be attracted to a person, rather than just their masculinity or femininity, even if it happens later in life. It is equally possible that a dull relationship makes it easy to fantasise. Rather than try and put labels on yourself just yet, I’d encourage you to take time to explore what is really going on for you.

If the problem is that your marriage has gone flat, then it may be that working with your husband to revive lost feelings will help, if that is what you want. If your sexual orientation has genuinely changed, then your marriage probably won’t survive this.

NOT SURE I CAN BE A STEP-MUM

I am going out with a man who has two children from a previous marriage. Because of his ex-wife’s problems, he has custody of the children, and so I’ve seen them quite a lot from early on in our relationship. We get on really well together, and I know how important that is to my boyfriend. I’ve never had children of my own, so it’s novel for me and it’s been fun getting to know them.

My boyfriend has asked me to marry him, and we’ve started to make plans. However, I’m now concerned about the reality of sharing my life with not just a new husband but his children as well.

Seeing them for outings isn’t the same as sharing a home and life with them. It feels like a huge responsibility, especially as they’ve been let down badly already. I don’t know if I can cope and am thinking of calling off the wedding.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love my fiance and his children are great, but what if I let them down?

FIONA SAYS: YOU’RE IN THIS TOGETHER

It is not an easy thing to become a stepmother, but you are starting out very positively by having a good relationship with your partner’s children. Nor is it surprising you are concerned.

You are not alone in this though. You are marrying a man who I’m sure will have considered the implications of marrying again very carefully too.

There are sources of help you could turn to as well.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.