AGONY ADVICE: Will my lover ever leave his wife for me?

WILL MY LOVER LEAVE HIS WIFE?

My husband and I split up 18 months ago, when he found out I’d been having an affair. Since then, the man concerned has still not left his wife, even though he told me he would and moved in with me. He was only with me for a month when she told him she was pregnant, and he went back to her.

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He still comes around to see me occasionally - but all we have time to do is make love, and then he goes back to her and their baby. He still says he loves me, but now I wonder if I wouldn’t have been better off staying with my husband! What chance is there, do you think, of my lover and I being together?

FIONA SAYS: PROBABLY NOT

If he hasn’t left his wife now, then I really don’t think he is ever going to. If you’re honest, I think you know that yourself: he’s managed to wreck your marriage, and by continuing to sleep with you, he’s probably set to wreck his own.

He was clearly still being intimate with his wife in the weeks leading up to the time he moved in with you. What if he did now leave his wife for you - aren’t you suspicious that he might cheat on you, just as he has on his wife? You might have been better off with your husband, but I don’t suppose that is really an option now.

The time has come to make a fresh start.

MY BOYFRIEND IS FRIENDS WITH HIS EXES

My boyfriend and I have been living together for the last nine months. We’ve been seeing each other for about two years, and I’ve grown to love him very much.

I’ve always been an anxious person and there is something that really bothers me, in spite of his reassurances. The thing is that he has several female friends, some of whom are ex-girlfriends. What’s more, he sees them regularly and without me.

I’ve told him that I am worried about this, but he has assured me they’re only friends and that it’s me he cares about. He’s also said he’s happy for me to mix with any of my friends.

FIONA SAYS: ARE YOU ON THE SAME PAGE?

Your boyfriend has made it clear that he wants the freedom to see his friends and is perfectly willing for you to do the same. Whilst that’s honest, I think it suggests that he’s not quite ready to settle down yet, and perhaps wants much more freedom in your relationship. Having said that, there’s every indication that he genuinely cares for you.

There’s no reason why, in time, this can’t grow into a meaningful, committed relationship.

Email Fiona on help@askfiona.net for advice on any dilemmas you may have.