COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

MY PARTNER’S EX IS MAKING LIFE A MISERY

For the past three years, I have been living with my partner who I really love. He was going through a messy divorce when we met, and although it was finalised two-and-half years ago, the ramifications are still going on. His wife has custody of their three children and uses them to manipulate him.

I am also divorced, but that was some years before I met him and I have a good relationship with my ex-husband. Our problem is that my partner’s ex-wife is making his life - and so also mine - a misery. She walks all over him and is forever threatening to stop him from seeing his children if he doesn’t do what she wants.

ALSO READ: Agony advice - my husband and my friend have been sexting

FIONA SAYS: THIS NEEDS TO BE HANDLED PROPERLY

Using children as a weapon to control an ex-partner is very wrong. It’s bad for both parents but, more particularly, it’s bad for the children, who will be left feeling unsure about their relationship with their father. The fact that your partner seems unable to deal with these problems should ring one or two alarm bells for you, if you’re planning to marry him. If he won’t tackle this issue for you, to keep your relationship with one another going strong, then he needs to be encouraged to do it for his children.

Perhaps it’s time the conciliation service were involved.

TERRIFIED OF GOING BACK TO WORK

I have been off work for almost four months with mysterious pains in my chest. I seem to have been for countless tests, but they’ve not found anything wrong with me. One of the doctors implied that I might subconsciously be creating symptoms simply to avoid returning to the strain of working.

I love my job and have really missed it, but now I’m beginning to feel like a complete fraud. I’m terrified of the prospect of returning to work and facing people with what seems like a phantom illness.

FIONA SAYS: YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD

Whether your illness is a physical or a psychological one, it is still an illness. So please don’t feel like a fraud. The chest pains could be stress and anxiety - after all, the last 18 months or so have been very difficult. It may also be that you’re suffering from depression - a lot of people are, and as you seem to be wondering about this, it might be worth talking to your doctor about a referral for counselling.

Chest pains, though, can have numerous other causes worth continuing to examine.

Email help@askfiona.net.