COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

KEEP DREAMING ABOUT EX PARTNERS

I love my fiance very much and we are due to marry shortly. My problem is though, I keep dreaming about all my ex-boyfriends and what might have been. I don’t know why I am doing this, as I do really want to get married and probably wouldn’t know how to cope if one of my exes appeared on the scene.

I haven’t told my fiance about these feelings, even though we are very close and don’t keep secrets from each other. Surely it can’t be right to marry while I feel like this?

FIONA SAYS: WHAT ARE YOUR CONSCIOUS THOUGHTS TELLING YOU?

You clearly love your fiance, and your emotions are bound to be fairly close to the surface if you’re in the throes of planning a wedding. It’s quite normal to have doubts of some kind, but it’s also quite normal for strange ideas to surface. You’re making a commitment to one person, and it wouldn’t be surprising that your mind is examining past options and reflecting on what might have been. Try and accept that these are just dreams, they are not reality, and they’re not an indication of any serious doubts on your part.

If you have any doubts when you’re awake, that’s a different matter entirely. Any serious doubts should be examined.

The dreams may not stop right away but they should eventually.

IS MY RELATIONSHIP ON OR OFF?

I can’t work out if my relationship with my boyfriend is on or off! We broke up last year, but have seen one another on and off since then, because he said he was concerned about me and wanted us to still be friends.

When we broke up, I was heartbroken and seeing him occasionally was like a kind of lifeline. The thing is though, he has bought me little gifts and on a couple of occasions has tried to kiss me. Are we back together or not?

He acts so strangely sometimes that I don’t think we can be back together. But at other times, he is so kind and loving. Should I carry on as we are or make a break?

FIONA SAYS: FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT

Whatever the reason, he seems prepared to just let things drift on as they are, whereas you’re looking for clarity. What do you want? The only way you are going to find out is to give yourself a bit of time and space of your own.

You will both need to communicate.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.