DON’T worry, Theresa, Jez, Sir Vince and Caroline will be listening when the Euro election results come in on May 26.

“The country has spoken and we have heard,” they will say if, as seems probable, the now five week old Brexit Party sweeps the board and wins the regions across England and Wales.

What’s more these seasoned veterans of British politics will know exactly how to interpret this revolt, just as they did the 2016 referendum, in ways which will seem as mysterious to us lowly plebs as the Latin mass once seemed to the adoring flock.

It will certainly be a “wake-up call”, and will show that people want “change” while also being a ringing endorsement of the policies of the Conservative, Labour and Liberal Democrat parties.

That said, despite their obvious wisdom there is seldom much agreement between their explanations. Earlier this week I and fellow residents of this elysian corner of the south coast were blessed to hear several of these guiding shepherds speak at a debate for South West region MEP candidates, at St Aldhelm’s Church in Poole.

They were asked why the country voted for Brexit in 2016.

So Brexit Party candidate Ann Widdecombe told us that the Brexit vote in 2016 occurred because those who voted Leave wanted to leave the European Union and be “governed by our own democratically-elected government”.

This straightforward explanation seems convincing at first glance, I will grant, but is hardly the work of a philosopher king. Plus Ms Widdecombe is getting on a bit and hardly in touch with our sophisticated modern understanding of 'what people really mean when they say something'.

Fortunately Liberal Democrat Caroline Voaden was able to give us a more nuanced interpretation. “Anger and frustration” were responsible for that vote, as people “wanted Westminster to sit up and listen”. It turns out that people wanted proportional representation to increase the number of Lib Dems in parliament, and they wanted MPs to listen to the “16.1 million people who voted Remain”. She said Brexit was “the only election where people felt they could have their voices heard”, and no doubt her party is eager to listen.

Now the Green Party’s Molly Scott Cato was full of sympathy for Leave voters, who were upset there aren’t enough Green Party folks in power “bringing about a fair and equal society”.

She said “democracy is broken, people need to feel that their vote matters”, which is why she is keen for the UK to stay in the EU after voting to leave.

Leave voters wanted us to “rethink how globalisation works” and, she said, without laughing, “only the European Union is capable of resisting corporate power”.

Truly, the Leave vote was as diverse as it was esoteric.

Apologies... Sarcasm really is the lowest form of wit.

Labour’s Lord Adonis, who is widely respected for his years of hard work in transport and education, told me he would get things done as an MEP despite the very limited power of the EU parliament, pointing to his record in the Lords.

But this is the problem, the unelected Lords should not have any say in the laws under which we live, and neither should the unelected EU Commission, even if tempered by back-scratching and secret deals on the part of MEPs.

Ms Voaden said only two per cent of EU laws had been rejected by the UK government. Yes, we know they all agree with each other. The battle here is not the EU versus the UK, it is the political class versus the people of Europe.

Ms Scott Cato told us how she and fellow greens are pushing for the EU to further covertly mould our behaviour through the ‘nudge’ industry, for instance by raising taxes on flights, for our own good of course.

The greens know the EU and national governments will do much of this – they will do anything to increase their power. They also know that if they put these measures to the electorate they would lose – very, very badly.

But why listen to the people when you know you are right?