HAVE you heard the one about the Englishman who lost his funnybone? It's no joke! According to a new survey, Britain is suffering from a lack of new material, with the average person only able to remember two jokes.

Can it really be true? Can the land that gave us Little and Large and Les Dennis... oops! I mean Tommy Cooper, Sid James, Billy Connelly, Dick Emery, Ricky Gervais, Ben Elton and Morecambe and Wise really be struggling for material.

The same land that when society and the system is crumbling around us, can rely on its sense of humour to keep us in high (and dry) spirits.

With 40 per cent of us admitting to retelling the same jokes over and over again, the age-old adage that the old ones are the best, won't wash.

It's all about comic timing, the delivery of the punchline and judging the situation before spouting a joke full of expletives or politically incorrect.

As Frank Carson said, it's the way you tell 'em.

When it comes to kings of comedy, fathers apparently have the knack, with 51 per cent of the population saying they are the top joke tellers.

Only three per cent of those polled said women are the best at telling jokes.

We've turned our noses up at rude and political jokes, and instead turned our attention to the Internet spending up to an hour a week at work sending or forwarding comical emails.

Local comedian Scott Charlton believes the Internet and text messages however have dampened our imagination. He also believes that political correctness could have a lot to do with why people are no longer so funny.

Scott says: "We're constantly having to look over our shoulder before we tell a joke. People take everything so literally now."

Scott says that when it comes to quality jokes, he has to agree that men lead the way: "It's awful to say, but there are very few women comedians who make me belly laugh, apart from The Vicar of Dibley"

"It's true that most people only have a couple of good jokes - I have a favourite that I've been telling for 20 years now and it still makes me laugh."

So we decided to put this new survey to the test and see if Britain is still funny.

When put on the spot, most people we questioned were able to come up with more than a handful of jokes, others could only remember their favourite joke, and nearly everyone claimed they were "rubbish" at joke telling.

The majority agreed that dirty jokes didn't tickle their fancy and that instead it was the classic clean gags, one liners and quirky quips that had them in stitches.

So without shaming anyone, we've assembled a few gags so you can decide if Britain has lost it's GSOH (good sense of humour).

OK, humour me...

  • A blonde says to a brunette: "Each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.'' The brunette says: ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
  • Shamus and Paddy were walking past a forest when they saw a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted". Shamus turned to Paddy and said: "What a shame O'Reilly isn't with us, otherwise we could have applied."
  • A man goes to a gym and says to the fitness instructor: "I want to learn to do the splits." The instructor says: "How flexible are you?" to which the man replies "Well I can do Monday and Tuesday."
  • Children in a classroom were asked to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words "defeat", "deduct", "defence" and "detail". Jack stood looking serious for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply: ''Defeat of deduct went over defence before detail!''
  • Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says: "How do you drive this thing"?
  • A man walks into a bar with an amphibian under his arm, he says to the barman: "I'll have a pint and one for Tiny too." The barman says: "Why do you call him Tiny"? The man replies: "Because he's my newt."
  • Postman: "Is this letter for you? The name is smudged." Man: "No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith."
  • Villager: "It was 'ere that Catherine of Aragon was bitten by a mad dog." Tourist: "Tudor"? Villager: "Yes, chewed 'er something 'orrible it did."
  • There has been a theft at Euro Disney. A man has been charged with taking the Mickey.
  • Customer: I'd like a pair of stockings for my wife. Storekeeper: Sheer? Customer: No, she's at home.