This Easter holiday, the Bournemouth Oceanarium will be showing off the world's first interactive Dive Cage.

The new attraction is being touted as a "breathtaking new experience that allows you to come face to face with great white sharks, dolphins and manta rays, without getting wet".

An exciting half-term prospect, but it reminded me of several similar childhood experiences that turned out to be more traumatic than fun...

Tucktonia Theme Park

(the Easter Holidays, sometime in the early 1980s)For those who never experienced Tucktonia, it was a theme park near Christchurch that boasted a four-acre miniature model world of Britain, with small rides and amusements.

As dull as this now sounds, this hallowed place was the height of cool for the under-five set back then, although by the time of my visit the park had become eerily run-down, neglected and on the brink of closure.

Needing a respite from the non-stop action of miniature Britain, I recall wandering off into a haunted house they had.

This was a human sized building inhabited by decaying mannequins and looped tape recordings of cackling ghouls and clanking chains.

What was a mildly nerve-racking experience was made all the more terrifying when the staff went for lunch and locked me inside for an hour.

Staring through the cracks in a fire escape door, I could see happy families outside in the sunshine, while I was left alone with a papier-mâché witch and her cat.

To this day, I have a phobia of small buildings and Janet Street Porter.

Darth Vader

(at the Poole Arndale Toy Centre, May 30, 1984)From the playground to the pub, this story of plucky heroism has served me well over the years.

It sounds like a dream now, but Star Wars character Darth Vader once made a special appearance at a Poole toyshop, and I was there.

Whether it was the real Darth Vader played by David Prowse or the shop owner in a suit, I'm still not sure.

After nervously waiting in the queue, I got my chance to meet the dark lord and he hoisted me up to eye level.

As befits such an occasion, the following dialogue will be in movie script format: Darth Vader/ David Prowse: "Hoo-baah, hoo -baah (deep breathing). Who do you like in Star Wars?"

Me: "Hhhh Han Solo."

Vader: (Shouting and shaking me) "Solo. He is rebel scum. Don't make me destroy you!"

Me: (In cry speak) "I want my Mum."

I don't mind telling you that I cried a lot that day and am still wary of tall people with breathing problems.

The wooden sculpture animals

(of Poole Arndale Centre)In a more innocent time, parents could happily leave their young children unattended to play on giant wooden animals while they went shopping.

Sadly these beautifully carved animals disappeared in the late 1980s with the arrival of the new Dolphin Centre.

These polished beasts were great fun to clamber on, but lethal if you happened to be wearing a shiny nylon tracksuit.

If anyone knows the whereabouts of any of the sculptures, please let me know as one of them contains a piece of skin that should cover my left elbow.