COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

MY TWIN SISTER HAS SIDED WITH MY ABUSIVE EX

My twin and I were once close. I married her husband’s college roommate and it seemed like a match made in heaven until the abuse started.

I endured emotional, physical and mental abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. I found videos that he secretly took of our family and friends naked in our bathrooms - my twin was one of his victims. The divorce was extremely nasty, but my twin told me that it was ‘very difficult’ for her, as it disrupted her and her husband’s group of friends.

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What bothers me most is that she still hangs out with my ex-husband - a lot - she knows what he did to her, yet she still spends time with him. She and her husband have taken my ex-husband’s side, and I just don’t understand how this could happen.

FIONA SAYS: THIS IS HURTFUL

Could it be that your brother-in-law is cut from the same cloth as your ex? Could it be that your sister is controlled by a husband that, unlike you, she has been unable to walk away from? Or could it be that your ex-husband has a hold over your brother-in-law in some way?

It seems extraordinary to me that your sister could accept being a victim of this man, and still allow him to be an integral part of her life.

You have done the right thing in walking away, but it takes a lot of courage to do that. I am so pleased to hear that you have managed to move on from that part of your life, even if he is still close to your sister.

You need to continue to build on the life you have made for yourself, and if it means doing so without your sister, then sadly, that’s how it must be.

WHY WON’T MY PARTNER FINALISE HIS DIVORCE?

I started dating a man over three years ago, but didn’t find out that he was still married and had not finalised his divorce until later.

He and his wife haven’t been together for seven years and don’t communicate. They both want the divorce, but it’s still not happened.

FIONA SAYS: TIME TO TAKE A STAND

You may have been with this man for three years, but it would seem he isn’t willing to commit himself, for some reason. Either that or he’s just lazy!

Whatever his reason may be for not moving on, he is hurting you. Either you put up with this and continue to feel hurt or you call a halt to it. It's time to take a stand. Tell him you’ve had enough and are tired of waiting for him.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.