ARE you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...

Just seven simple words that didn't just define a generation, it helped shape its children into well-rounded individuals who knew right from wrong, good from bad and that it was wrong for Looby Lou to join Teddy and Andy Pandy in the big box.

Generations of children have somehow grown up sane despite adults trying to mess with their minds through characters that can only have been created after long lunch breaks or hallucenogenic drugs.

Alarmingly, Sesame Street's early episodes have been deemed suitable for adults only because Cookie Monster smoked a pipe and Oscar the Grouch was, well, a bit miserable.

It's political correctness gone mad, for I can tell you exactly what TV output has a bad influence on our children and it's nothing to do with colourful characters spouting nonsense.

We watch soaps and see characters like odious David Platt and Rawsie' Webster of Coronation Street treat their parents like the filth on their shoes and wonder why our own children act like brats.

We see young characters show no respect whatsoever - even resorting to attention-seeking shock tactics as shown in the Street - and get away with it.

So here's my pitch.

A TV show with no swearing, nudity, violence or outrageous behaviour. The children are pleasant, amusing, do all their homework and household chores with a smile and don't listen to gangsta rap at unfeasible volumes in their bedrooms.

The father is a hard-working man who makes time for his kids, likes the odd drink and football in sensible measures, is totally faithful to his wife and is always happy to go to B&Q with her.

You're right. How boring would that be?