A new local party is being suggested to fight the next election. Its name will be ‘Upper Parkstone Incontinent Pensioners Party’ or UPIPP for short. It has been known for many years that pensioners from Upper Parkstone are a tough lot, its years of climbing up a hill.

New UPIPP will qualify for free membership by showing a bus pass, GP’s prescription or a packet of incontinence pads.

Races will be held between Monkeys Hump and our nearest public toilets. A very nice soviet style block at Constitution Hill. No mobility scooter or zimmer frames can be used.

It’s about a mile so most UPIPP members with plenty of wind and clenched buttocks will complete the course in under four minutes flat. Charabancs will be laid on for those UPIPP members who are not so fit. They should do the trip in about half an hour according to traffic density.

Our AGM is planned to be held at one of the nicest, cleanest, well maintained public toilets in the UK. The one at Sandbanks by the council beach office.

We in the UPIPP remain hopeful. We don’t want any cries of ‘discrimination’ or ‘apartheid’, we just want decent amenities. New well designed public toilets please.

We will know what to do at the next election.

JIM O’BRIEN, Cynthia Road, Poole