The Baftas: Harry's a dizzyingly strange winner

MORE mottled flesh than a pig butcher's window, more comedy breasts than a stag do in a fancy dress shop, more bingo wings than a fiver-all-in-night at the Gala and more fake smiles than a Gordon Brown photo shoot.

Yes, a shivering line-up of hopefuls for the TV Baftas, The British Academy of Film and Television Arts Awards (Sunday, BBC1, 8pm) filed along the red carpet in wispy summer frocks feeling like Hollywood, but looking like Cricklewood.

At least the film Baftas ceremony in February bore a passing resemblance to its hero, the Oscars, in that it had the odd A-lister, big films and some elegantly-attired actresses, even if you'd never heard of them.

But Sunday night was all about British telly, and so it is only right and fitting that even though it tried to up the ante glamour-wise, it was a fine example of exactly what was being celebrated.

Gaggles of East End gals with brick-red tans and chubby calves, salt-of-the-earth jack-the-lads, cheeky comics and a pram-load of batty old ladies who smile indulgently at the young whippersnappers, while fastening their bonnets on the way to the nearest glove shop.

Because the truth is, soaps, comedies and period dramas are the bread and butter of our schedules, with the odd brilliant drama or documentary acting as an occasional filling.

So you got what it said on the tin.

The sliced white loaf was the likes of Eileen Atkins, who got a well-deserved gong for Cranford, ticking the box entitled eccentric Dame with posh accent to make the rest of us fink we're fesps as well.

Gavin & Stacey, which won a couple, thus ticking the box called comedy that everybody (except me) loves unconditionally.

And Holby City was named Best Continuing Drama - hang on a minute, that's my life, I should win that! - ticking the one for we can't have EastEnders or Corrie again!

The fillings, the Gentleman's Relishes, if you will, included the brilliant China's Stolen Children and Andrew Marr's History of Modern Britain.

There, a sure sign that all is right with us Brits and proving that what we like is a healthy mix of pulp programming, light-hearted silliness and thought-provoking, intelligent filming.

So why do the TV programmers continue to ignore us when it comes to Harry Hill?

How many awards does Harry Hill's TV Burp (off air but back September, yippee!) have to win before they move it from its ludicrous time-slot somewhere between getting back from a day out and getting the kids/dinner sorted out?

I know Harry was dizzyingly strange, some might say the worse for drink, on Sunday night, but that's why we watch him and why he gets huge viewing figures all tuning in to see his TV Highlight of the Week - which this week happened to be him.

Oh, and Gok Wan, when he pulled up a girl's top in the middle of the high street and did a big raspberry on her wobbly belly.

She couldn't believe it. Nor could I.

This small, Chinese, makeover maverick, who is a sort of cross between a camp Joe 90 and Hong Kong Fooey, is starting to grow on me.

At first I dismissed his How To Look Good Naked (Tuesday, C4, 8pm) as yet another show in which chisel-cheeked bitches make ordinary, vulnerable people feel grotesque.

He does have the razor-edged cheeks, but there the similarity ends.

Where the other shows are based on cruelty, his revels in being kind and is strangely empowering for the insecure women taking part.

Okay, they don't all end up looking that good naked, but what Wan does is make them love themselves again by pointing out things he thinks are gorgeous about them - including some bits that clearly aren't.

Speaking of things that are difficult to love.

My regular reader, Joan in Wallisdown, will confirm that I'm no fan of Heather "where's me Mills?" McCartney.

But goodness, was Heather Mills - What Really Happened (Tuesday, C4, 10pm) the most obvious bit of hatchet-job film-making ever.

The deranged, immoral and deluded were wheeled out to show how deranged, immoral and deluded Mucca is.

Telling it like it was we had the embittered sister of her first ex-husband, who had got the nod from Sir Paul's "people" to go ahead with the interview - not the most balanced view in the world.

And the "friend" reminiscing fondly over their shady past.

Even the real mate was actually her ghost writer and only appeared because she managed to make her look bad too.

If this film had at least tried to unearth some good stuff (yes, unlikely I know), about the woman the world loves to hate it would at least have had a purpose, but all it did was tell us what we already knew.

That even Gok would be hard pushed to find a bit to like.

PS. My favourite foodie show, Come Dine With Me (Thursday, C4, 8pm) will be even more exciting next Thursday as one of our very own Echo girls, Sonia Peck, will be one of the dinner hosts.

Sonia, from Bournemouth, is sworn to secrecy about who wins, but she did tell me that all the other contestants come from Poole and that there are plenty of not-to-be-missed moments throughout.

12:27pm Friday 25th April 2008

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