I’M sorry. I don’t mean to be rude but it’s been like listening to the Great Misery Choir of Britain bashing out its dreary chorus of Hark the Imperiled Strangers Whinge. The whole nation’s been taking a pop at Poole just for putting up a safe but wacky artificial tree.

Why all the fuss? It is just a big decoration, for heaven’s sake. It may look like a giant air freshener but it’s just a bit of festive fun.

And now, to cap it all, some Christmas nuts have vandalised it. How proud those figgy pudding-heads must feel.

For goodness sake, everyone calm down.

Five years ago there was a ding-dong in Poole when the council put a barrier around its traditional Christmas tree to comply with new guidelines and a disapproving chorus burst forth. Fair enough. It looked less like a festive scene than a roadworks scene.

Now the council does something different and puts up a treeish thing that, admittedly, looks like a dunce’s hat and what happens? The frosty windbags of Britain make moan again.

What is the real problem? That it’s not a traditional Christmas tree? Half the population doesn’t have real ones in their homes.

Is the beef that it has been done for health and safety? We wouldn’t want people to be healthy and safe, would we?

This is supposed to be a time when we wish each other good cheer not have a gripe.

So put a Christmas stocking in it all you not so merry gentlemen (and ladies). Some may like the conical creation, while others think it’s a turkey. But if Poole’s tree is a serious issue then I’ve gone Christmas crackers.