Don't call Madonna Madge... (From Bournemouth Echo)

Don't call Madonna Madge...

12:24pm Wednesday 28th July 2010 in

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SHE might be a material girl, but definitely don’t call her Madge. Madonna apparently hates the nickname given her by ex-husband Guy Richie and the British press.

The singer previously said she fell out of love with the UK and her home in Tollard Royal on the Dorset borders because she couldn’t stand her British nickname.

Madonna, 51, is reported to have said this week: “That’s one of the reasons I left England – so I don’t have to hear the name Madge any more. Some people say Madge is a colloquialism for a boring middle-aged housewife. And other people say it’s short for Majesty.”

I know how she feels. Once a nickname has been bestowed, there’s no escaping it.

For example, I’m reduced to a six-letter word whenever I venture to Bath and Bristol. While at university I was nicknamed Spanky (I have no idea why. Honest).

This led to a slightly awkward situation in a restaurant not so long ago. While returning to my old stomping ground, a romantic birthday lunch was punctuated by enthusiastic shouts of “Spanky” from passing alumni.

A decade on and I still flinch at the mention of a silly nickname. That’s the problem with them. They can be affectionate or scornful, but you’re lumbered with them forever. So here’s my top nicknames of all time: 1. The Red Baron. First World War German fighter ace, Manfred von Richthofen, earned his impressive sobriquet due to his nobility and penchant for painting his aircraft red.

2. Gazza. Troubled footballer Paul Gascoigne who was in Boscombe recently, has been affectionately called Gazza for most of his career. Although in 2004, the former England star wanted to ditch his nickname and be known as G8.

3. Little John. Second in charge of Robin Hood’s Merry Men and one of the earliest examples of the ironic nickname. A double pun as his real name was apparently John Little and he was a giant of a man.

4. The Special One. Former Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho presented himself to the British Press by remarking: “Please don't call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.”

5. Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi. One for the sci-fi geeks, as this Star Wars character makes his screen debut with the immortal lines: “Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan... Now, that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time. A long time.”