From the largest human wheelbarrow race to the man with the longest ear hair, all manner of weird and wonderful records have been broken over the last decade, which have kept the adjudicators at the Guinness Book of Records very busy.

A quick flick through the 2010 edition of the nation’s favourite stocking filler reveals all sorts of astonishing feats and it wasn’t long before we were inspired to break a couple of records before the decade was over.

But what records would we choose?

Initially we flirted with the idea of breaking a record in the human body category, until we saw what we were up against.

Time and a serious lack of credible facial hair put the kibosh on records like the longest moustache, which is currently held by Ram Singh Chauhan of India, who started cultivating his facial furniture in 1982.

When adjudicators measured it last year it had grown to a staggering 11ft 6in long.

Happily neither of us were anywhere near being able to break the record for the longest ear hair, which currently belongs to another Indian, Antony Victor, and measures 18.1cm long.

We were eventually persuaded not to challenge records in the human body feat by Britain’s John Lynch, who is the world’s most pierced man. The 78-year-old boasts 241 piercings including 151 in his head and neck. Ouch!

The super stunts category caught our attention next, but again we were soon put off by the sheer danger involved in each one.

Unsurprisingly, we couldn’t find a volunteer for the fastest time to throw ten knives around a human target, which belongs to Dr David Adamovich from the USA (where else), who chucked ten knives around his brave partner, Tina Nagy, in 4.29 seconds.

Quickly we both conceded that we wouldn’t break any of the crazy stunt records but not before laughing at Sandra Kier, who holds the record for the fastest time to run through ten locked and burning doors at 23 seconds.

Feeling peckish it was no coincidence that we found ourselves in the food and drink category – we sensed this would be our domain.

We particularly liked the idea of mass pancake tossing, but the record for that belongs to the Netherlands who cajoled 405 people into a collective pancake tossing, however, pathetically we only managed to gather three volunteers.

Heeding to the old adage “if you want a job done properly do it yourself,” we concurred that flying solo was the way to go, so we set our sights on Curly Wurly stretching and made a meal of attempting the fastest time to eat three cream crackers.

The latter record belongs to Britain’s Ambrose Medy, who quaffed the crackers in 34.78 seconds, while the Curly Wurly stretching record belongs to Helen Weddle, also from Britain, who stretched the chocolate bar to a staggering 156.8cm.

Of course, if we were to break the records they wouldn’t officially stand because you need adjudicators to verify them.

Nevertheless, even if we would prove to be unsung heroes there was still personal pride at stake.

Disappointingly, we didn’t get off to a good start.

Despite varying our technique there was no chance of three crackers going down in under two minutes let alone 34.78 seconds. They sapped the moisture from our palates and left us unable to chew let alone swallow.

Feeling like failures we tackled the Curly Wurlys. Pat had come up with an ingenious idea to rest them on a radiator before we attempted to stretch them, but even the softened chocolate and toffee failed to yield a record – snapping at about 60cm.

The late legend Roy Castle would be turning in his grave.