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Getting shirty about ties?
IF the tie went the way of the bowler would I get hot under the collar? No.
What is the point of the ridiculous thing? It dangles down your shirt-front and, short of acting like a napkin, is about as useful as a moustache. And about as hygienic.
That is why it would be better if this ludicrous item were only worn when going for job interviews. Otherwise, consign it to fashion history. We are not married to this absurd apparel so why do we hang on to it? It is high time we cut our ties.
Several police forces have now shed their ties in favour of the zip-neck shirt. And for those of us who can recall being dragged around the playground by the school tie while being made to repeat, "Yes Flashman, I am indeed a very ugly goose and will happily go honk-honk-honk if you let me go" can fully understand why. (Or did that just happen to me?)
Many hospital doctors have already been banned from sporting the bacteria-laden neckwear in the battle to beat bugs. The hitch is that when you wash ties you ruin them. And the cost of dry-cleaning all your ties can, well, take you to the cleaners.
The problem is that if you don't wear a tie, what can men wear to look smart? If you put on a suit and shirt with the top button done up but without a tie you look like a cross between Mr Bean and the sort of irritating fool who makes cheap mother-in-law jokes. You can't win.
It reminds me of the fellow who was given two appallingly tasteless ties for his birthday by his mother-in law.
Next time he went to see her he deliberately put one of them on, knowing that if he didn't he would get it in the neck.
His mother-in-law opened the door and looked at him wearing it. Without smiling.
"So what's wrong with the other one?" she said.
7:00pm Thursday 8th May 2008
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