FIFTEEN years ago a woman lost her young son at the hands of the boy's father.

Now, days after what would have been his 17th birthday, Ryan Franklin's mother has spoken about how she will never teach him to drive, can't throw him a party and battles with her grief every day.

Cathy Jacques, nee Franklin, lost two-year-old Ryan when he was killed by his dad Lee Khair in 2002.

Khair was jailed for manslaughter and was released after serving three years six months of his sentence.

Though living with her husband Mark and their three lovely children at their Blandford home, Cathy says that not a day goes by when she doesn't think of her eldest who would have turned 17 on Saturday (FEB 11).

"I don't know what he would have been doing," she said. "Would he have a girlfriend? Would he be going to university? Would he be driving now? I can't throw him a party. It's things like that I can't do. I don't even have an image in my mind of what he would have become. Because he was only two I don't even have that. I can't even tell you what I thought he might have been.

"People say that times a healer. I think your brain adapts and you have to get on with everyday life but it doesn't get any easier. This happened 15 years ago and it's still really raw. I blow my top and go mad stupid little things.

"Not a day goes by when I don't mention him. It never goes away. When you go to the grave its completely different - reality hits home.

"I still carry a lot of guilt," she added. "I know I didn't do it but I left Ryan with him. I trusted him. The amount of people who say I shouldn't blame myself is overwhelming but I will never get rid of that. I left him to his death.

"My mind goes back to him in hospital with all the drips and then I get even angrier. It's like it's embedded there."

She said the last image she has of her eldest is of him lying in the hospital bed in what she called a 'spaceman suit' aimed at keeping his body warm. She could just see his tiny face.

It was at that moment doctors told her her son was brain dead.

"He was just lying there looking asleep," she said. "Those images come back into my head and I just get so angry. He was such a caring boy. He loved his kisses and cuddles.

"He was snatched at such a young age. As the years go on it doesn't get any better."