Ten things we'd like to say about Bournemouth-based reality show Close to the Edge

We think Babs is going to be a star

She’s got the look of Julie McKenzie and she sounds like Angela Lansbury playing Miss Marple. She DOES NOT take any nonsense. And she says things like “Chris, I think you’re overstepping the mark a little bit about your importance.” And “I have a dream.” She's our early favourite.

Bournemouth is NOT known as God’s Waiting Room.

We’ve got the UK’s fastest growing digital economy, our graduates work for Pixar and Disney, we've got a Premier League football team and millions of people come to visit every year.  No-one calls it God’s Waiting Room any more. (No-one who lives here, anyway. We can’t speak for God, obviously)

So please, take it out of the show-opening voiceover.

There need to be more name captions

If you’re aiming for a Made in Chelsea vibe, you need people’s names to flash up every time they’re on screen. At least for the first sixty episodes. And especially when people we know as Paul – like Mantovani enthusiast Paul Barrett – show up on the screen captioned as “Monty”. 

Chris Dowling is certainly “mischievous”

His press bio describes him as being as mischief maker and also the ‘the most obnoxious man in Bournemouth’. He got in a fight with “token gay” Simon about gay marriage. He made sure everyone at Vanessa Coleman’s dinner party knew that she was once ran a brothel from the house they were eating in. And judging by the screen shot below, he's taking great delight in the argument they're promising us in next week's show.

Vanessa Coleman certainly has to put up with a lot of jokes about being a madam

From Neil Hamilton asking her if she wanted to “be the stick” to Chris asking her if she could “get him a young 20-year-old”, we can see how it might get a bit wearing pretty fast.

We’re pretty sure Babs and Vanessa are going to end up in a fight...

But we’re really not sure who our money would be on.

There might actually be something really important underneath all the staged scenarios

CTTE has been widely described as TOWIE for OAPs. And anyone who's watched TOWIE or MIC would certainly recognise the slightly stilted ".... and GO" nature of the conversations.

But here's the thing: outside of Coronation Street, there aren’t a lot of pensioners on TV in Britain. News reports (including ours sometimes) refer to 70-year-olds as elderly when many 70-year-olds wouldn’t consider themselves old at all.  

Dating, starting a business, falling out with friends - these are not the preserve of the young, and as a way of challenging our ideas of age-appropriate behaviour, it could be very successful. Also, there are very few older women on television, and Beate, Jan, Babs and Dee – all bright, feisty, independent, successful – are a welcome addition to the screen.

Best line of the week

John: “Are you a caver by any chance?” Dee: “No, but I like abseiling.”

Most unlikely date  location of the week

Post zip-wire wine and chips at Harry Ramsden.

Thing you really didn’t expect to see

Simon and Monty grooving to CeCe Peniston in Bournemouth Vintage Emporium.