10:41am Thursday 22nd March 2012
By Sam Shepherd
It's back. It might not have the same music, but other than that all the things we love are there: Nick's narrowed eyes and furrowed brows; boys with daft hair and shiny suits; girls with daft hair and strident voices; and Lord Sugar witty repartee. But what did we learn from last night's episode?
• Lord Sugar’s tweetalong is compulsive. Occasionally he posts gems like “Do you think when Nick’s making notes he’s really drawing a picture of Margaret?”. But mainly the esteemed Lord tweets the things he’s about to say on the television, like a virtual version of a grandad who’s gone a bit doolally. “I’m not looking for Lord Lucan” he tweets. Thirty seconds later, TV Alan says “I’m not looking for Lord Lucan”. You can imagine him sat in Sugar Mansions chuckling to himself about what he’s about to say. Genius.
• Arguing with Lord Sugar is a certain road to being fired. Arguing with him about geography, like Bilyana did last night, is just stupid. Tyring to interrupt him when the music starts to get all dum-dum-dum-dum-someones-going-to-get-fired is REALLY stupid.
• Telling Lord Sugar you picked your team name because “your best friend told you it in a dream” is like hanging a sign saying “daft woman” round your neck.
• Approaching people in a pack of four and “taking it in turns” to make a sale instead of, I don’t know, splitting up and trying to sell in different places, is never a recipe for business success. Neither is ganging up on a shopkeeper until she looks like she might cry.
• Screen printing is not as easy as Kirsty made it look in Handmade Home. A picture of a London bus doesn’t translate well into a one-colour image. Also, red paint will get EVERYWHERE and make your ludicrously expensive tat – sorry bear – look like you’ve been bleeding on it.
• When someone says “I haven’t got time to think about the numbers” you know there’s going to be trouble.
• It’s all about the margins. Unless your products look like a four year old printed them, in which case it’s all about the design.
• NO-ONE understands how to use "myself" properly in a sentence. When asked "who was team leader" the correct response is "Me." Not "Myself". Me. DO YOU HEAR ME, CANDIDATES?
• Purple eyeshadow is rarely a good thing.
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