Show some respect to the dead, pleads funeral director

Show some respect to the dead, pleads funeral director

Show some respect to the dead, pleads funeral director

First published in News by

SHOW some respect.

That’s the call from a funeral director overseeing the final journeys of loved ones in Bournemouth and Poole as a new report reveals one in six drivers has witnessed motorists swearing and making hand gestures at corteges.

Steven Dabin, area manager for the Poole and Bournemouth division of Co-operative Funeral Care, said grieving families travelling to funerals were left distressed by rude drivers.

“I’m afraid it is true. There is a lack of courtesy shown sometimes.

“We drive slowly as a mark of respect, and that tends to create a queue behind us.

“If people see us coming, they try to get in front of us, even to the point of people cutting into the middle of the cortege between the hearse and the family’s car,” he said.

One in 12 drivers quizzed by the survey said they didn’t know that it was considered respectful not to overtake the funeral procession.

Three out of four drivers said they would consider pulling over to let a funeral cortege pass as a sign of respect and nine out of ten would drive at a slower speed to remain behind the funeral procession.

The survey also found that pensioners were twice as likely as drivers under 45 to show respect to funeral corteges.

Mr Dabin said the idea of a funeral procession went to the heart of a shared display of grief that would continue during the service.

“The procession is a way of showing respect to the memory of a family member of loved one. It’s for the family to do together. It’s the whole sense of togetherness. It’s literally the final journey.

“If someone cuts in front, or the middle, or even down to rude hand gestures some times, it can be very upsetting. We don’t want to see that.”

But Steven Tapper, director of Tapper Funeral Service, said he wasn’t aware of falling standards of respect for corteges.

“In Poole, Christchurch, and the older towns, there is a sense of community, and if a funeral is taking place people are aware that the community is one person less as a result.

“I’m encouraged that we continue to see people paying respect to the dead, even if they didn’t know them,” he said.

Comments (29)

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7:11am Tue 5 Apr 11

585 says...

Highway code. 169
Do not hold up a long queue of traffic, especially if you are driving a large or slow-moving vehicle. Check your mirrors frequently, and if necessary, pull in where it is safe and let traffic pass.
Highway code. 169 Do not hold up a long queue of traffic, especially if you are driving a large or slow-moving vehicle. Check your mirrors frequently, and if necessary, pull in where it is safe and let traffic pass. 585
  • Score: 1

7:40am Tue 5 Apr 11

Morrigan says...

Well the person above has show which sort of driver he/she is - exactly one of those mentioned in the article I daresay.

Sadly people seem overly agressive and less respectful of each other when alive these days, so it comes as no surprise that they don't respect the dead either.
Well the person above has show which sort of driver he/she is - exactly one of those mentioned in the article I daresay. Sadly people seem overly agressive and less respectful of each other when alive these days, so it comes as no surprise that they don't respect the dead either. Morrigan
  • Score: 0

8:07am Tue 5 Apr 11

cathyfranklin says...

Now this doesnt surprise me, the lack of respect out there is shocking, and then the adults expect kids to show respect when they cant do it themselfs, hypocrites. I for one grew up and taught respect and manners hence when i see a funeral car i will slow down, lets hope others start doing the same or one day they might just have that angry driver overtake and swear at them when they are at a family members funeral...what goes around comes around....
Now this doesnt surprise me, the lack of respect out there is shocking, and then the adults expect kids to show respect when they cant do it themselfs, hypocrites. I for one grew up and taught respect and manners hence when i see a funeral car i will slow down, lets hope others start doing the same or one day they might just have that angry driver overtake and swear at them when they are at a family members funeral...what goes around comes around.... cathyfranklin
  • Score: 0

8:21am Tue 5 Apr 11

585 says...

I don't understand the comments above.
All I did was to quote the relevant section of the Highway Code and as a result I get this sort of comment.
Is every road user expected to ignore this rule?
I don't understand the comments above. All I did was to quote the relevant section of the Highway Code and as a result I get this sort of comment. Is every road user expected to ignore this rule? 585
  • Score: 1

8:23am Tue 5 Apr 11

Duckorange says...

We I go, I shall be making sure the undertaker follows the racing line.
We I go, I shall be making sure the undertaker follows the racing line. Duckorange
  • Score: 1

8:24am Tue 5 Apr 11

Duckorange says...

*When
*When Duckorange
  • Score: 0

8:33am Tue 5 Apr 11

PokesdownMark says...

Hold on folks before we get carried away again there is something to know. There are Internet based survey companies that pay people to fill in surveys. Typically you get five pounds or so when you have completed a dozen surveys. The results sell to news agencies for thousands. The people filling on the surveys are usually looking for the fastest completion time so they can do the next one. Clearly the results are complete tosh. So when you see a story the begins: according to a report, just stop reading.

Now Mr Echo, tell us about this report. How many people were surveyed? How were they contacted? Did you pay for the information or lift it from a published source?

BTW, clearly not all surveys are rogue. The consumer association would be an example of one of the better ones.
Hold on folks before we get carried away again there is something to know. There are Internet based survey companies that pay people to fill in surveys. Typically you get five pounds or so when you have completed a dozen surveys. The results sell to news agencies for thousands. The people filling on the surveys are usually looking for the fastest completion time so they can do the next one. Clearly the results are complete tosh. So when you see a story the begins: according to a report, just stop reading. Now Mr Echo, tell us about this report. How many people were surveyed? How were they contacted? Did you pay for the information or lift it from a published source? BTW, clearly not all surveys are rogue. The consumer association would be an example of one of the better ones. PokesdownMark
  • Score: 0

8:33am Tue 5 Apr 11

Marcus301 says...

Decent, humble people have no problem showing respect, it's just those who haven't been brought up properly - 'chavs' who wouldn't know the meaning of the word. It wouldn't cross my mind to overtake a funeral cortege but I've seen plenty of motorists do it, even cutting into a cortege, which shows a disgusting lack of respect and courtesy.
Decent, humble people have no problem showing respect, it's just those who haven't been brought up properly - 'chavs' who wouldn't know the meaning of the word. It wouldn't cross my mind to overtake a funeral cortege but I've seen plenty of motorists do it, even cutting into a cortege, which shows a disgusting lack of respect and courtesy. Marcus301
  • Score: 0

8:44am Tue 5 Apr 11

Sam Shepherd says...

@Pokesdown Mark: The survery was carried out online by Co-operative Funeralcare and had 2088 responses. The results were published by the Co-op as a press release yesterday.
The release is now linked from the story and we've added in some of the other responses for balance. Hope that helps.
@Pokesdown Mark: The survery was carried out online by Co-operative Funeralcare and had 2088 responses. The results were published by the Co-op as a press release yesterday. The release is now linked from the story and we've added in some of the other responses for balance. Hope that helps. Sam Shepherd
  • Score: 0

8:50am Tue 5 Apr 11

hammer says...

I saw a funeral cortege near Ashley Road a couple of weeks ago and the driver of the hearse was swearing and gesticulating which hardly shows any respect for the person in the coffin!
I saw a funeral cortege near Ashley Road a couple of weeks ago and the driver of the hearse was swearing and gesticulating which hardly shows any respect for the person in the coffin! hammer
  • Score: 0

8:58am Tue 5 Apr 11

Grumpy Griff says...

Doesn't surprise me one bit in this day and age, just a load of mindless idiots.

Quoting the highway code is fair enough but you just need to follow a bit of common sense and general ettequite when driving, you don't need half a brain to know it is disrespectful to cut in or make rude gestures to a funeral cortege!
Doesn't surprise me one bit in this day and age, just a load of mindless idiots. Quoting the highway code is fair enough but you just need to follow a bit of common sense and general ettequite when driving, you don't need half a brain to know it is disrespectful to cut in or make rude gestures to a funeral cortege! Grumpy Griff
  • Score: 0

8:59am Tue 5 Apr 11

samsmith says...

Marcus301 wrote:
Decent, humble people have no problem showing respect, it's just those who haven't been brought up properly - 'chavs' who wouldn't know the meaning of the word. It wouldn't cross my mind to overtake a funeral cortege but I've seen plenty of motorists do it, even cutting into a cortege, which shows a disgusting lack of respect and courtesy.
Although hopefully a good up-bringing helps avoid situations like this, I don't think it necessarily is a 'Chav' issue.
.
Driving, getting behind the wheel of a car can make the most meek and mild person - man or woman, young or old, rich or poor, for better or worse, in sickness and in health... etc etc - some sort of fiend. Especially if they have a deadline to get somewhere.
[quote][p][bold]Marcus301[/bold] wrote: Decent, humble people have no problem showing respect, it's just those who haven't been brought up properly - 'chavs' who wouldn't know the meaning of the word. It wouldn't cross my mind to overtake a funeral cortege but I've seen plenty of motorists do it, even cutting into a cortege, which shows a disgusting lack of respect and courtesy.[/p][/quote]Although hopefully a good up-bringing helps avoid situations like this, I don't think it necessarily is a 'Chav' issue. . Driving, getting behind the wheel of a car can make the most meek and mild person - man or woman, young or old, rich or poor, for better or worse, in sickness and in health... etc etc - some sort of fiend. Especially if they have a deadline to get somewhere. samsmith
  • Score: 0

9:40am Tue 5 Apr 11

cranefly says...

Did you wonder why the procession goes so slow?
Apparently, during the 15th century people put lighted candelabras on the funeral cortege therefore the procession had to go slow in order not to put out the lights.
So why not compromise and do an acceptable speed until nearer to the church or chapel then 'go slow'.
Any other ideas?
Did you wonder why the procession goes so slow? Apparently, during the 15th century people put lighted candelabras on the funeral cortege therefore the procession had to go slow in order not to put out the lights. So why not compromise and do an acceptable speed until nearer to the church or chapel then 'go slow'. Any other ideas? cranefly
  • Score: 1

10:38am Tue 5 Apr 11

ballstoit says...

I dont believe it. Maybe folk in Bournemouth and Poole are just arses.
Cant say I've ever seen anyone trying to overtake or generally get annoyed with a cortege before.
You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes.
I dont believe it. Maybe folk in Bournemouth and Poole are just arses. Cant say I've ever seen anyone trying to overtake or generally get annoyed with a cortege before. You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes. ballstoit
  • Score: 0

10:57am Tue 5 Apr 11

Jonkers says...

"In my day" - growing up in the 70's - it was not unusual for men to stop, take off their hat and stand with their head bowed while the cortege passed.
How quickly things have changed.
"In my day" - growing up in the 70's - it was not unusual for men to stop, take off their hat and stand with their head bowed while the cortege passed. How quickly things have changed. Jonkers
  • Score: 0

11:12am Tue 5 Apr 11

PokesdownMark says...

The Co-ops research was carried out online by a firm called Your Say Pays. It's exactly what I am talking about. Participants have no incentive to be accurate. Questions are tilted to create responses being *paid* for. Participants likely to be from narrow subsets of general population. Also popular with people overseas. Results not worth the paper they are printed on. But sadly an increasing practice across the whole 4th estate.
The Co-ops research was carried out online by a firm called Your Say Pays. It's exactly what I am talking about. Participants have no incentive to be accurate. Questions are tilted to create responses being *paid* for. Participants likely to be from narrow subsets of general population. Also popular with people overseas. Results not worth the paper they are printed on. But sadly an increasing practice across the whole 4th estate. PokesdownMark
  • Score: 0

11:32am Tue 5 Apr 11

MJD says...

585 wrote:
I don't understand the comments above. All I did was to quote the relevant section of the Highway Code and as a result I get this sort of comment. Is every road user expected to ignore this rule?
Its not a rule or Law, it is only advisory.
[quote][p][bold]585[/bold] wrote: I don't understand the comments above. All I did was to quote the relevant section of the Highway Code and as a result I get this sort of comment. Is every road user expected to ignore this rule?[/p][/quote]Its not a rule or Law, it is only advisory. MJD
  • Score: 0

11:51am Tue 5 Apr 11

585 says...

Advisory maybe, but it is sensible advice.
Advisory maybe, but it is sensible advice. 585
  • Score: 1

12:13pm Tue 5 Apr 11

Lord Spring says...

585 wrote:
Advisory maybe, but it is sensible advice.
Just remember it when your turn comes, as it will.
[quote][p][bold]585[/bold] wrote: Advisory maybe, but it is sensible advice.[/p][/quote]Just remember it when your turn comes, as it will. Lord Spring
  • Score: 0

12:25pm Tue 5 Apr 11

585 says...

Lord Spring,
I don't know whether you thought this through before you commented but as far as my current knowledge goes, when my time comes i.e when I die, I will be in no position to remember anything.
Lord Spring, I don't know whether you thought this through before you commented but as far as my current knowledge goes, when my time comes i.e when I die, I will be in no position to remember anything. 585
  • Score: 1

12:30pm Tue 5 Apr 11

TheDistrict says...

cranefly wrote:
Did you wonder why the procession goes so slow?
Apparently, during the 15th century people put lighted candelabras on the funeral cortege therefore the procession had to go slow in order not to put out the lights.
So why not compromise and do an acceptable speed until nearer to the church or chapel then 'go slow'.
Any other ideas?
You will find that most Funeral Companies do do this now. In the case of both my mother and fathers funeral, the courtege moved from their last residents at a slow pace, until off the estate and onto the main road. From that point they maintained speed in accordance with the traffic, and taking a route that kept them off the main roads, until they arrived at the road leading to the Bournemouth Crematorioum where they slowed down again. At the gates, the Funeral Director disembarked from the hearst and took is place at the head of the courtege for the even slower drive to the chapel.
.
As for 585 Wemouth, the code is an advisory notice, and does not refer to such vehicles as hearsts. In the main I beleive it refers to the country side, and heavy slow farm vehicles such as tractors, etc.
.
If you refer to the Highway Code, suggest you look at 162
.
[quote][p][bold]cranefly[/bold] wrote: Did you wonder why the procession goes so slow? Apparently, during the 15th century people put lighted candelabras on the funeral cortege therefore the procession had to go slow in order not to put out the lights. So why not compromise and do an acceptable speed until nearer to the church or chapel then 'go slow'. Any other ideas?[/p][/quote]You will find that most Funeral Companies do do this now. In the case of both my mother and fathers funeral, the courtege moved from their last residents at a slow pace, until off the estate and onto the main road. From that point they maintained speed in accordance with the traffic, and taking a route that kept them off the main roads, until they arrived at the road leading to the Bournemouth Crematorioum where they slowed down again. At the gates, the Funeral Director disembarked from the hearst and took is place at the head of the courtege for the even slower drive to the chapel. . As for 585 Wemouth, the code is an advisory notice, and does not refer to such vehicles as hearsts. In the main I beleive it refers to the country side, and heavy slow farm vehicles such as tractors, etc. . If you refer to the Highway Code, suggest you look at 162 . TheDistrict
  • Score: 0

12:39pm Tue 5 Apr 11

585 says...

TheDistrict, Bournemouth
Help me, I 'ave nevver seen a hearsts

162 is fine as long as the hearse and the accompanying vehicles are aware that there are other vehicles on the road as well.
TheDistrict, Bournemouth Help me, I 'ave nevver seen a hearsts 162 is fine as long as the hearse and the accompanying vehicles are aware that there are other vehicles on the road as well. 585
  • Score: 0

12:56pm Tue 5 Apr 11

joncon says...

'One in 12 drivers quizzed by the survey said they didn’t know that it was considered respectful not to overtake the funeral procession.'

Therefore eleven in twelve did. So it's not really a very big problem in that case, is it? Non story.
'One in 12 drivers quizzed by the survey said they didn’t know that it was considered respectful not to overtake the funeral procession.' Therefore eleven in twelve did. So it's not really a very big problem in that case, is it? Non story. joncon
  • Score: 0

2:11pm Tue 5 Apr 11

solitaire says...

ballstoit wrote:
I dont believe it. Maybe folk in Bournemouth and Poole are just arses.
Cant say I've ever seen anyone trying to overtake or generally get annoyed with a cortege before.
You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes.
ballstoit, Pikeytown says...
10:38am Tue 5 Apr 11
"You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes."

I WAS that right tw@ when I was about 19yrs old, driving with a friend & my parents on the autobahn in Germany. I was speeding like a released caged animal, and suddenly aware of a queue of very slow traffic on my right. Thinking they must know something I didn't, like a speed trap ahead, I slowed and gently forced my way in between two cars. What a numpty ! Not sure if that beats the time I pulled over for a fire engine in Poole, and DOH! I stopped right outside the burning house. Couldn't understand why the beebaa's where still going behind me.
[quote][p][bold]ballstoit[/bold] wrote: I dont believe it. Maybe folk in Bournemouth and Poole are just arses. Cant say I've ever seen anyone trying to overtake or generally get annoyed with a cortege before. You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes.[/p][/quote]ballstoit, Pikeytown says... 10:38am Tue 5 Apr 11 "You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes." I WAS that right tw@ when I was about 19yrs old, driving with a friend & my parents on the autobahn in Germany. I was speeding like a released caged animal, and suddenly aware of a queue of very slow traffic on my right. Thinking they must know something I didn't, like a speed trap ahead, I slowed and gently forced my way in between two cars. What a numpty ! Not sure if that beats the time I pulled over for a fire engine in Poole, and DOH! I stopped right outside the burning house. Couldn't understand why the beebaa's where still going behind me. solitaire
  • Score: 0

6:40pm Tue 5 Apr 11

Was Charlie says...

585 wrote:
Lord Spring, I don't know whether you thought this through before you commented but as far as my current knowledge goes, when my time comes i.e when I die, I will be in no position to remember anything.
585, Weymouth,
Maybe you won't be in a position to remember anything, but I'm sure your mourners would appreciate some respect for you.
.....
I also expect that you would appreciate respect to any member of your family whose funeral you were attending.
[quote][p][bold]585[/bold] wrote: Lord Spring, I don't know whether you thought this through before you commented but as far as my current knowledge goes, when my time comes i.e when I die, I will be in no position to remember anything.[/p][/quote]585, Weymouth, Maybe you won't be in a position to remember anything, but I'm sure your mourners would appreciate some respect for you. ..... I also expect that you would appreciate respect to any member of your family whose funeral you were attending. Was Charlie
  • Score: 0

7:26pm Tue 5 Apr 11

pd7 says...

Perhaps some of them are in the box due to high speed .

The only thing I slow down for are horses and riders , now they get respect.
Perhaps some of them are in the box due to high speed . The only thing I slow down for are horses and riders , now they get respect. pd7
  • Score: 0

9:41pm Tue 5 Apr 11

585 says...

Was Charlie, says... I'm sure your mourners would appreciate some respect for you.

No, they probably will be rejoicing cos the old git has popped his clogs at last.
Was Charlie, says... I'm sure your mourners would appreciate some respect for you. No, they probably will be rejoicing cos the old git has popped his clogs at last. 585
  • Score: 0

11:40am Thu 7 Apr 11

nikkioctober says...

585 wrote:
Highway code. 169 Do not hold up a long queue of traffic, especially if you are driving a large or slow-moving vehicle. Check your mirrors frequently, and if necessary, pull in where it is safe and let traffic pass.
Would you like to quote the highway code for ambulances and police too?
[quote][p][bold]585[/bold] wrote: Highway code. 169 Do not hold up a long queue of traffic, especially if you are driving a large or slow-moving vehicle. Check your mirrors frequently, and if necessary, pull in where it is safe and let traffic pass.[/p][/quote]Would you like to quote the highway code for ambulances and police too? nikkioctober
  • Score: 0

11:45am Thu 7 Apr 11

nikkioctober says...

ballstoit wrote:
I dont believe it. Maybe folk in Bournemouth and Poole are just arses. Cant say I've ever seen anyone trying to overtake or generally get annoyed with a cortege before. You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes.
Well said!!
[quote][p][bold]ballstoit[/bold] wrote: I dont believe it. Maybe folk in Bournemouth and Poole are just arses. Cant say I've ever seen anyone trying to overtake or generally get annoyed with a cortege before. You'd look a right tw@ sat slap in the middle of the grieving family and the herse because you couldn't be bothered to wait a few miuntes.[/p][/quote]Well said!! nikkioctober
  • Score: 0

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