THEY’VE been springing up like Japanese Knotweed throughout the conurbation. And they are just as hard to get rid of.

Roadworks are a fact of modern life. No matter where you go, you will find them. Sometimes they are major and appear to take forever and a day. And on other occasions, they pop up unexpectedly and dot your route.

But in Bournemouth and Poole they become an art form. It’s as if a street isn’t complete without its own set of cones, barriers, holes and traffic lights to decorate it.

Don’t forget- and I’m sure you don’t need reminding- Bournemouth is one of the most congested places in the UK. (And for the sake of argument, we should include Poole in this).

So the answer from on high to all these traffic jams and delays appears to be create more traffic jams and delays.

Now, I know it’s not the same, but when I have a congested nose I use a nasal spray to decongest it. I find blocking it up more doesn’t work.

We’ve heard the arguments over the last few years of when the roadworks go, things will get better. Well in some cases they have gone and they haven’t.

I like a set of traffic lights as much as the next man or woman. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I love them, but I realise we do need them.

But in the conurbation they are now resembling fairy lights. There are rows and rows of them strung together. It’s like Christmas every day.

If you don’t believe me, travel from Holes Bay to Richmond Hill. No matter which main route you take, you will hit wall-to-wall traffic lights.

And of course just like a virus, there’s bound to be more in the future. Indeed, there’s a new set in Commercial Road, Poole. Of course, just yards from the set just past the Civic Centre and Ashley Cross.

But, and here’s the rub, people are still crossing in between the lights. You couldn’t make it up.

There’s also a set in nearby Osborne Road where I’ve seen just one person use them.

If you don’t fancy the Penn Hill route, use Bournemouth Road and then Poole Road. Last Friday I made the mistake of travelling this route outside the rush hour.

The next time I need to summon up the mental strength to run a marathon I will recall that journey and the ensuing 26 miles will be a breeze.

And the great beauty of it is that to put up more traffic lights, you need to have more roadworks with, of course, traffic lights on them. Genius.

For those, like me, who travel in from the west of the county, you have my deepest sympathy.

Okay, the Upton bypass is clear of roadworks for now, but just like Arnie Schwarzenegger, they will be back for phase two.

Don’t go through Upton as there will be 22 weeks of roadworks there and don’t forget Poole Bridge is still closed.

Holes Bay roadworks have finally finished, and those in Parkstone Road, but Fernside Road has now caught the bug.

Wimborne Road – between Cemetery Junction and Richmond Hill – has been subject to works and not forgetting the four-way traffic lights at Horseshoe Common, where some motorists clearly think red means green.

And where the Echo resides in Richmond Hill has its fair share of issues. As we’ve reported this week, motorists park in cycle lanes, replacement trees have been installed at £2,000 a go (I’ve got a mate who could have done it for a few hundred quid) and daily entertainment is provided by delivery vehicles heading towards the Square and trying to turn around.

Beale Place is a great success for pedestrians, but delivery drivers and motorists are finding life difficult in neighbouring roads.

I haven’t even mentioned the daily stresses faced by colleagues who use the A31 and Spur Road.

I don’t know what the answer is, but the road network is a mess and if we carry on like this we are surely heading for carmageddon.