SEVEN matches.

Of all the years of horror Maria* endured when she was a victim of honour based domestic violence, it is the memory of those seven tiny matches that will forever haunt her.

Every day her husband would hide them around the house. If she didn’t find all seven in her relentless daily clean, he would subject her to beatings.

“Day after day I tried to find them but I rarely found all seven. It was to make me feel like I was going mad.

“I’d spend the day terrified what would happen so I’d clean and clean and clean.

“I’d never find all seven so I was punched, kicked and beaten.

“I could have been dead a few times. He’d threaten to kill me so many times.”

Maria thought she was living the fairytale family life after meeting a kind stranger in a park.

Finally, the mum-of-two, who was abused by her own father as a child and was later in an abusive relationship, felt her life had changed for the better.

“He was so charming. I felt happy and beautiful.

“It didn’t matter to me he was from a different background and a different faith. He loved me and my two girls.

“He was kind to me and bought clothes and food. He told me I was beautiful without makeup and I didn’t need to paint my face and complemented me in the clothes he bought. It made me feel special.”

However when Maria became pregnant with the couple’s son, everything changed.

It started with subtle controlling behaviour – her partner dictating what she could wear, making her cover her blonde hair with a headscarf, forcing her to give up work for the sake of the baby and texting throughout the day checking on her whereabouts.

One day he told he had planned for the couple to get married in his mother’s living room.

If she refused to wed him the following day, she could not keep the baby, he said.

From that day she became a prisoner in her own home. She was unable to leave the house, not even to see a doctor and she was banned from making any phone calls or using the internet.

“Life got difficult. He controlled everything. I cleaned all the time, it kept me busy. He never called me beautiful anymore. He said I was fat and ugly.

“We all sat silently in the front room when he was home as he didn’t like to hear us talk. We all lived in a state of fear.

“If we didn’t do as we were told, we wouldn’t be given food. The food was never much anyway. I always gave most of mine to the children.

“I wondered what happened to the fairytale but I just wanted the children to be safe.

“If I refused to have sex with him, he told me he would kill the baby.

“I waited every day to be abused. You can’t see it ever ending. There were a few times I felt such pain and so down I felt like letting go,” she says waving her hand away as though she dismisses the thought.

The abuse lasted nine years until Maria and the children managed to escape to a refuge in a different part of the country.

“I managed to ring the domestic abuse helpline. I was shaking all over but I found help and I can't put into words the relief.

“The reality is when you are in that kind of relationship, you don’t know if you will wake up to see your children.”

For Maria, thoughts of frantically finding seven matches every day are never far from her mind.

She jumps at her own shadow, cannot sleep, does not know what she likes to eat, is terrified of wearing tops with no sleeves and cleans everything all the time.

Her family is so damaged by coercion and control, they have to learn to live a free life again.

“I still feel like I’m going to get into trouble all the time. I can’t go shopping on my own, get on a bus on my own. It’s very hard but with support, we will get there, one day at a time.

“Everything is so shocking, it’s hard to get your head around it but I am here and I can start again.”

If you are experiencing domestic abuse, or if you know someone who is, there are many organisations that can help.

Call Bournemouth’s Domestic Violence Helpline on: 01202 547755 or visit: www.dorsetforyou.com/dvahelp.

In an emergency, always dial 999. BCHA host drop in sessions for people worried about domestic abuse.

They take place at Springbourne Family Centre, Walpole Road from 1pm until 3pm on the first Thursday of every month, at Kinson Hub, Wimborne Road, from 10am until 12pm on the first Friday of every month, at Citygate Church, Holdenhurst Road, from 1pm until 3pm on the last Wednesday of every month and Boscombe Children’s Centre, Ashley Close, from 10am until 12pm on every other Monday.

Figures released earlier this summer by Dorset Police revealed 451 incidents of domestic violence were reported in just three months in Bournemouth alone.

New domestic abuse legislation under the Serious Crime Act was introduced in December last year, which means those who coerce and control partners or relations can face up to five years in prison.

Police hope it will close a gap in the law around patterns of behaviour which stop short of physical violence but amount to extreme psychological or emotional abuse.

Detective Inspector Fiona Gaffney, said: “Dorset Police is committed to preventing coercive and controlling offences as well as violent crimes. Perpetrators need to know that these behaviours are criminal, and we will pursue and prosecute. Along with our own experienced and specially-trained officers who investigate these offences, we also work in close partnership with other agencies who can offer support, advice and guidance. I strongly encourage anybody experiencing any form of domestic abuse to report it and seek help.”

Naomi James, BCHA’s Project Leader for Domestic Abuse Services in Bournemouth, added: “BCHA has seen for itself, through our Women’s Refuges, the devastating effects coercive or controlling behaviour can have on both individuals and families. It is also not uncommon to hear victims state that the trauma suffered from psychological abuse has a greater lasting impact than that of physical abuse.”

*Maria's name has been changed.